


Chamomile

by BlueMoonHound



Series: Lucretia [16]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: ???? kinda/??????, Angst, Character Study, Dreams, F/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, rated t for ONE swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 07:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14075496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound
Summary: Hey guys ltnsSlowly working through this 16 chapter wip I have. Needed to post *something.* have this...... thing. Ficlet?? thing. Short piece. i had an emotion.Could be no halo!verse, if u so pleased.





	Chamomile

It's been a hundred years since she had this dream.

Well, maybe she'd had it in the past hundred years, it hasn't quite been a century since they were on homeworld-- but it's been since homeworld, since her little cot at the institute, that she's woken up, staring at the walls and feeling this exact measure of discontent. It's not a nightmare, but it's certainly not a good dream.

She rolls on her back and into something squishy, remembering in a moment that she's lying next to Taako. She's never woken up from this dream with someone lying next to her.

After all, some part of the dream is about loneliness. She feels like she's destined for loneliness.

She breathes out and closes her eyes, and sure enough it's there again – she's bursting with thoughts and worries and the teacher gives her a piercing look, and she feels herself sinking back in her chair. It's her own fault for being too loud, too opinionated. The others in the class need a chance to speak. She learned to be quiet, after that. She taught herself to write instead of speaking. To act as if everyone she meets is as untrustworthy as her biological family.

Loneliness is _safe_.

She knows exactly why this dream came back, too. This time, though, it wasn't a single angry look from the person who leads. Her idea was voted off the table by the only people shes cared about for ninety years. It's fair, though, she's extremely aware of how _fair_ this situation is. One out of seven is by no means whatsoever a majority. She can't argue with this. She's just afraid of the complications, and afraid of what failure means. (And she thinks her idea would work better. She'll go along, though. Hopefully, they'll stay true to their word, and hers will remain the second option.)

An indeterminate amount of time passes before Lucretia feels Taako's ear tug out from underneath her head. He stretches, yawns, and turns so their noses are almost touching. The moonlight makes his eyes look brown. It's too early for either of them to be awake.

“What's shaking, Lucy?” He murmurs.

“Nothing,” she says. She turns her head back to the ceiling. There's not much she can say. She's been lying nestled in the bedsheets for however long she's been awake, considering the nature of democracy. Taako went with Lup, of course he did. She doesn't _blame_ him for it. Maybe a little. She doesn't want to blame him for it. That's a lie, too: She's not sure what she wants.

“I can tell when you're thinking about something, kemosabe.” Taako licks her ear. Lucretia flinches.

“Hey.” She says, in a less-than-indignant tone. “Just yesterday.”

“Oh yeahhhh. Ya excited to get outta this shithole?”

“Hm.” Is she? She's not worried about aging, or about settling down, but for some reason, she's uncomfortable with the prospect. Maybe she's worried that, given the opportunity, the rest of the crew will abandon her. Of course, without the ship to draw them back together every year, it would be so easy to do. But that's not the answer Taako is looking for, of course, and however firm and comfortable their relationship has been for the past few decades, Lucretia doesn't feel safe now. “I suppose.”

“Hell, maybe life will be stable for once,” Taako muses.

She almost snorts. She's been lying here, imagining the ways that stopping the mad run from the hunger brings with it the exact opposite of stability, but of course, Taako has Lup. And now Lup has Barry, and those two are inseparable too, so she suppose that means the three of them are secure in each other.

She realizes it's a bit disingenuous of her to believe that Taako, Lup and Barry might decide to leave her behind, but she can't stop herself from thinking it. She's the extra wheel, not nearly as important o their stability or integrity as the rest.

“Yeah.”

Taako watches her for a few minutes, and she watches the ceiling. She doesn't want to make him feel bad for his choices, of course. And she does want to stop the hunger. And actually, her own plan wouldn't do anything about the loneliness she would face if their mission drew to a close. In fact, if she ended up having to pursue it without the others, she might be actively shunned, rather than just forgotten.

At least she'd die. If they reached the end of this endless, maddening scramble, at very least she only has a good eighty or so years left to live out before she dies of old age-- at the most. There's plenty of ways she could die sooner than that.

Humans are a nonmagic race. They cannot be immortal.

“Listen, I don't know what emotion you are having, but it seems like you need a hot chocolate.” Taako flips out of bed and pulls on some clothes. “Come on, babe.”

“Hm.” Lucretia almost lets herself roll onto the floor in mild defiance. Instead, she drags herself to her feet and slips into her old blue bathrobe. She follows Taako down the hall and stops at the entrance to the kitchen, watching him dig around for the right size of pot.

For a moment, she can't make herself move or speak.

“Um.”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe just tea?”

Taako puts the pot down on the stove. “Are you gonna make me put this all away?” He smirks.

Lucretia doesn't have the energy to smile.

Taako studies her expression for a moment, then puts the pan away and grabs the kettle instead. “Chamomile?”  
Lucretia nods, sitting at the table.

She does feel bad for making him fish around. She puts her head in her arms and stares at the cabinets, her view occasionally interrupted by Taako's thigh. She hears him leave the counter and sit down across from her.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“No.” It's not a lie. Not technically.

“Hokay.” he doesn't sound like he believes her.

Lucretia traces the tablecloth pattern. She wishes she had brought a notebook.

The kettle whistles.

Taako gets down some mugs, puts the full tea strainers into them, and fills them up with water. He slides one across the table to her. Lucretia fiddles with the tea strainer, deep in thought.

Taako sips his tea.

“Lissen, I… I just don't think it would work.”

“I think it would,” Lucretia mumbles.

“Obvs, babe. I just, I dunno. I think Barry's is the better option. It's still not the best option. Hm.” He sips his tea again. “There's gotta be a better option than what we have on the table, hasn't there?”

Lucretia shrugs. She drinks. The chamomile is sweet and bitter all at once.

They sit in silence. Lucretia feels heavy.

“Hey, Imma go back to bed, okay? You're welcome to join.” Taako gets up, his long fingers splaying on the tablecloth. He leaves his tea there, still steaming a little.

Lucretia feels hollow. She sips her tea until it's gone cold and her eyes hurt from staring at the light fixture in the ceiling. She pushes her cup away and lays her head down.

It's cold.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys ltns  
> Slowly working through this 16 chapter wip I have. Needed to post *something.* have this...... thing. Ficlet?? thing. Short piece. i had an emotion.  
> Could be no halo!verse, if u so pleased.


End file.
